Our classmate, Jon Buntenbah, emails highly entertaining wit and wisdom daily to roughly 50% of the population of the western hemisphere and much of the rest of the world. Here we share with you Jon's gems pretty much as we receive them. Enjoy! 

March 11, 2011 - 09:34:
"Life's tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid." - John Wayne

November 3, 2012:
Solutions to problems you hadn't realized you had

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March 07, 2011 - 14:40: Helpful hints yo mama nevah tol you . . .

<>Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store and they won't ripen as fast.

<>Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil and it will stay fresh much longer and not mold! 

<>Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

<>Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking. 

<>To make really rich scrambled eggs or omelets:

add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up. 
<>For a cool brownie treat, melt Andes mints in the microwave and pour over warm brownies. Let set for a wonderful minty frosting.

<>Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic
 . . . at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic. 

<>Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert. Simply chop them up with the food chopper. Peel, core and slice a few apples. Place them in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes!!! Serve alone or with vanilla ice cream. Yummm! 

<>Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm.
 This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works. 

<>Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag, seal and mash thoroughly. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal and keep mashing and mixing.

Cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw the bag away when done for easy clean up. 

<>DOUBLE THE FROSTING-HALF THE CALORIES: When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving. 

<>To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in A microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food Moist and help it reheat faster. 

<>NEWSPAPER WEEDS AWAY: Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers, Put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers. 

<>Broken glass?

Use a wet cotton ball or Q-t ip t o pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.
<>RUN THEM SKEETERS OFF! Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away. 
<>To keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.
<>To get something out of a heat register or from under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.

<>Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water.. dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out

<>Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car. 

When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth! 
<>If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to enclose something, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily. 
<>Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like. 

<>To get rid of pesky fruit flies, half fill a small glass, add 2 drops of dish washing liquid and mix well. Fruit flies will flock to the mixture and be drowned.

<>Put small piles of cornmeal wherever you see ants. They'll eat it and take it home, They can't digest it, so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works and you won't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed! 

<>DOUBLE THE LIFE OF YOUR CLOTHES DRYER! The heating unit went out on my dryer! The gentleman who fixes things around the house for us told us that he wanted to show us something and he went over to the dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. (I always clean the lint from the filter after every load of clothes.) He took the filter over to the sink and ran hot water over it. The lint filter is made of a mesh material .. I'm sure you know what your dryer's lint filter looks like. Well, the hot water just sat on top of the mesh! It didn't go through it at all! He told us that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh and that's what burns out the heating unit. You can't SEE the film, but it's there. It's what is in the dryer sheets to make your clothes soft and static free and gives them that nice fragrence.

You know how they ca
n feel waxy when you take them out of the box ... well this stuff builds up on your clothes and on your lint screen. This is also what causes dryer units to potentially burn your house down with it! He said the best way to keep your dryer working for a very long time (and to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out and wash it with hot soapy water and an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months. He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long! How about that!?! Learn something new everyday! I certainly didn't know dryer sheets would do that. So, I thought I'd share! 

Note: I went to my dryer and tested my screen by running water on it. The water ran through a little bit but mostly collected all the water in the mesh screen. I washed it with warm soapy water and a nylon brush and I had it done in 30 seconds. Then when I rinsed it the water ran right through the screen! There wasn't any puddling at all! That repairman knew what he was talking about!

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March 07, 2011 - 09:39: A canine greeter at an animal sanctuary - a true story

In 2003, police in Warwickshire , England , opened a garden shed and found a whimpering, cowering dog. The dog had been locked in the shed and abandoned. It was dirty and malnourished, and had quite clearly been abused. In an act of kindness, the police took the female greyhound, to the Nuneaton Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary, which is known as a haven for animals abandoned, orphaned, or otherwise in need and run by Geoff Grewcock. 

Geoff and the other sanctuary staff went to work with two aims: to restore the dog to full health, and to win her trust. It took several weeks, but eventually both goals were achieved. They named her Jasmine, and they started to think about finding her an adoptive home.

Jasmine, however, had other ideas. No one quite remembers how it came about, but Jasmine started welcoming all animal arrivals at the sanctuary. It would not matter if it were a puppy, a fox cub, a rabbit or, any other lost or hurting animal. Jasmine would just peer into the box or cage and, when and where possible, deliver a welcoming lick. Geoff relates one of the early incidents. "We had two puppies that had been abandoned next to a nearby railway line. One was a Lakeland Terrier cross and another was a Jack Russell Doberman cross. They were tiny when they arrived at the center, and Jasmine approached them and grabbed one by the scruff of the neck in her mouth and put him on the settee. Then she fetched the other one and sat down with them, cuddling them. But she is like that with all of our animals, even the rabbits. She takes all the stress out of them, and it helps them to not only feel close to her, but to settle into their new surroundings. She has done the same with the fox and badger cubs, she licks the rabbits and guinea pigs, and even lets the birds perch on the bridge of her nose."

Jasmine, the timid, abused, deserted waif, became the animal sanctuary's resident surrogate mother, a role for which she might have been born. The list of orphaned and abandoned youngsters she has cared for comprises five fox cubs, four badger cubs, fifteen chicks, eight guinea pigs, two stray puppies and fifteen rabbits - and one roe deer fawn.. Tiny Bramble, eleven weeks old, was found semi-conscious in a field. Upon arrival at the sanctuary, Jasmine cuddled up to her to keep her warm, and then went into the full foster-mum role. Jasmine the greyhound showers Bramble the roe deer with affection, and makes sure nothing is matted. "They are inseparable," says Geoff. "Bramble walks between her legs, and they keep kissing each other. They walk together round the sanctuary. It's a real treat to see them."

Jasmine will continue to care for Bramble until she is old enough to be returned to woodland life. When that happens, Jasmine will not be lonely. She will be too busy showering love and affection on the next orphan or victim of abuse.

Pictured from the left are: "Toby", a stray Lakeland dog; "Bramble", orphaned roe deer; "Buster", a stray Jack Russell; a dumped rabbit; "Sky", an injured barn owl; and "Jasmine", with a mother's heart doing best what a caring mother would do...and such is the order of God's Creation..







And, just in case you wondered, Snopes.com has verified the truth of this wonderful story and the reality of these photographs which accompany the story - so you can pass this story on, and help make someone else's day to be just a little brighter!

http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/jasmine.asp

 

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March 07, 2011 - 09:36: Don't Lie Down!! Check out new Bayer product & survive.


There are other symptoms of an heart attack besides pain on the left arm. One must also be wary of an intense pain in the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating even though these symptoms may also occur less frequently. Note: There may be NO pain in the chest during a heart attack. The majority of people (about 60%) who have a heart attack while asleep don't wake up. However chest pain may wake you from a deep sleep.

If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water. Bayer makes crystal aspirin that quickly dissolves under the tongue without water and works much faster than tablets. 

Then : 
  1. CALL 911.
  2. Say "heart attack!" 
  3. Say that you have taken 2 aspirins.
  4. Phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by. 
  5. Take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their arrival and . . . DO NOT lie down 
  6. And for gosh sake unlock the door if you can.


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March 07, 2011 - 09:29: Ever feel like your significant other talks too much?
  


Well, here's one straight-forward solution. Ain't nature grand?

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March 05, 2011 - 13:43: Comparing 1961 to 2011 - so you think you feel old?.
 

1961

vs

2011
Long hair
Acid rock
KEG
Moving to California because it's cool
Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
Seeds and stems
Hoping for a BMW
Going to a new, hip joint
Rolling Stones
Screw the system
Disco
Parents begging you to get your hair cut
Passing the drivers' test
Whatever

-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

Longing for hair
Acid reflux
EKG
Moving to Arizona because it's warm
Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
Roughage
Hoping for a BM
Receiving a new hip joint
Kidney Stones
Upgrade the system
Costco
Children begging you to get their heads shaved
Passing the vision test
Depends
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:
  • The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1993
  • They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
  • Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
  • Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
  • The CD was introduced 9 years before they were born.
  • They have always had an answering machine.
  • They have always had cable.
  • They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
  • Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
  • Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
  • They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
  • They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
  • They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
  • They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane..."
  • They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even was.
  • They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet? Send your old poop friends to this page (http://gmhs1961.us/buntenbah_briefs) so they can share the pain. Notice the larger type? That's for those of us  who have trouble reading. So have a nice day! It's good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive and kicking!!!!

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